Friday, March 21, 2014

Do This, Not That

Why were they looking at us so peculiarly?  After all, we were giving them a "thumbs up" and cheering them on whenever they made a goal during their sandlot soccer game. Instead, the young people just stood there looking as if they were not certain what to make of us foreigners. We learned later that even as we thought we were encouraging these local Sri Lankan youngsters we were, in fact, making a not very nice gesture at them with our waggling, uplifted thumbs.  Imagine our embarrassment and regret!

Despite all the valuable insight we gain about cross-cultural living during Global Ministries' Missions Conferences there are times when we still have to figure out some of the local gestures and norms on our own. This is largely because it takes time and actually living in a country to learn their various particulars.


Our experience with the soccer-playing youth prompted us to seek out local colleagues and friends to learn what was considered appropriate and what was not. Listed below are some of the practices we have discovered over the years:

  • Punctuality - not everyone in the world follows U.S. standards of time and, in fact, many cultures do not consider one to be late even after 2-3 hours. Once I was on my way to a teach a seminar with women in Sri Lanka and did not arrive until 2 1/2 hours after our scheduled meeting time because we had been in an accident.  When I arrived the women were all sitting patiently and chatting away!
  • Head Touching - not to touch people, including children, on their head as many believe the head is the highest part of the body while others believe the head is the abode of one's spirit and, therefore, sacred.
  • Position of Feet - removing one's shoes before entering a house is common throughout much of Asia and the Pacific and is a practice we still maintain today when entering someone's home.  Additionally, displaying the bottom of one's feet or pointing them towards another is considered rude or even an insult in many countries.  For that reason, when sitting on the floor we followed the lead of others by tucking our feet under us or sitting cross-legged which proved to be a genuine test of our endurance during those times when we would sit for hours at a Fijian "kava session".
  • Eating With One's Hand - in countries where eating with one's hand is commonplace friends taught us to use our right hand for meals because the left hand is typically used for hygiene purposes.  A "real pro" knows to use only the fingertips up to the first joint for mixing the food, but it was a struggle to do so and to maintain the appearance of not being beginners by getting food on our palms.  To be honest it was also tempting to lick our fingers after meals but was oh so "not Emily Post" on the etiquette scale.  Oh yes, our gracious Indian and Sri Lankan friends knew Tim was a strong-dominant "leftie" and encouraged him to use the hand that was most easy for him.
  • Greeting One Another - wow!  This involved some skill as we needed to remember who to greet with (one, two, or three) kiss(es), a handshake or a head bow. In most countries we simply shook hands but by sharing some of their traditional greetings we were able to show our respect for each culture.
    In Haiti: when we arrive at CONASPEH's office the tradition is to greet each of our colleagues with a "Bon jou. Koman ou yè?" (Good morning. How are you?) and either extend a handshake or kiss them on one cheek. In India and Nepal: we oftentimes greeted others with palms together about chest high, with a slight head bow and the word greeting of, "namaste"; in Sri Lanka this is called the "ayubowan" in Sinalese; and in Thailand it is the respectful "wai"In the Philippines: we typically greeted others with a handshake, but hugged especially dear friends as hugging is normally reserved for close family and friends. In predominantly Islamic nations:  men would greet Tim with a handshake but less so with me; however, women I had gotten to know well
    would greet me with a warm embrace of both hands upon my forearms.
  • Pointing - Malaysians use their extended horizontal thumb and not their index finger for pointing; the Chinese use a whole straight-finger hand; Haitians and Vietnamese citizens consider pointing inappropriate. Interestingly enough, today I still point with my thumb.
  • Saving Face - the concept of "saving face" is a guiding force in the daily life of many societies.  We in the West say we appreciate people who are "up front" and "brutally honest", but not so for people in a number of other cultures.  For that reason we learned we should never deal with a situation by raising our voices because this makes the other person feel lowered in the eyes of his or her peers. This is also important when bargaining with a vendor because we do not want the shopkeeper to lose face by making him or her feel that he or she was short-changed during a transaction.  Tim loves to bargain but is always willing to give in some, too, on his final offer as a way of showing his respect.
  • Hospitality - this has been perhaps our greatest lesson as we believe this is the gift we bring to each other no matter what our country, ethnicity, religion, culture, age, or gender may be.  It is the inherent giving of oneself and the offer of kindness that crosses all borders.
“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.”                         
                                              Hebrews 13: 2

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